It is written by Chinese military tactician Sun Tzu in his ancient sacred treatise The Art of War that “if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.” The immortal words of this legendary general have been put into deadly effect over the millennia by some of history’s most accomplished warmongers, among them Mao Tse Tung, the Viet Cong, and the US Army. The odds of such tactics being deployed during Battle of the Bands II, however, are about as high as those of World War III being triggered by a ten-pin bowling match.
Or are they? Take The 33 Strategies of War: distilled nuggets of warmongering wisdom from the likes of Napoleon Bonaparte, Alexander the Great and Tzu, applied to the trials and tribulations of life in the 21st century. As eight of the capital’s maddest and baddest bands charge Sharky’s for the rock bar’s second annual bloodfest, they’d perhaps do well to remember a few of its most pugnacious gems. Worthy of note, for example, might be numbers 10: Create a Threatening Presence (Deterrence Strategies); 30: Penetrate Their Minds (Communication Strategies), and 22: Know How To End Things (The Exit Strategy). There may even be sufficient wiggle room for a spot of 33: Sow Uncertainty and Panic Through Acts of Terror (The Chain Reaction Strategy).
For as Jack Black, in the guise of music teacher/ frustrated rock star Dewey Finn, put it so eloquently in School of Rock, entering any Battle of the Bands will test “your head and your mind and your brain”.
At stake are more than just bragging rights. Says Sharky’s music manager, Dave: “It’s a stepping stone, especially for the younger up-and-coming bands. It’s a great showcase, there’s no doubt about that. Any band who wins it is gonna be in more magazines; get more publicity, appear on the radio more…” Last year’s winners, The Anti-Fate, walked away with $200 and a diary bulging with gigs. Judges will be on the lookout for, among other things, quality of musicianship, and stage presence. “It’s down to essentially the rapport they get between the audience and the band. It’s their ability to entertain the audience the best, for whatever reason.” Let battle commence!