The Cambodia National Rescue Party, the country’s official political opposition, claims 50 of its youth members and supporters are ready to join the coalition fight against Isis. In return they are seeking US military help in taking back an island held by Vietnam. When questioned, a CNRP spokesman said the party supported ‘peace for the world’, but declined to say whether they approved of this volunteer fighting force.
Always looking for alternatives to violence, Rockefeller Without Borders would like to point out a few things to this ragtag group of over-exuberant amateur soldiers that will hopefully be enough to convince them to call the whole thing off. Firstly, last time we checked, you’ve got a couple of notorious war veterans currently on trial in this country. Men so old they are eligible for pre-boarding the flight to Militantville. Ask them, they will tell you (after ranting about the egregious violation of their human rights): war gets you into trouble. It doesn’t matter how deluded you are, everyone – except for Henry Kissinger – knows that bad endings await those who go off to do battle in faraway lands.
Secondly, in case you hadn’t noticed, the US is more interested in sending symbols of peace to represent it overseas than it is guns. And there’s no better example of that than David Hasselhoff heading to Berlin to mark the 25th year of his now famous concert there. When ‘The Hoff’ sang his hit song, Looking For Freedom, from the freshly fallen wall in November 1989, the entire world was sent a clear message: even actors from sub-par shows about lifeguards and talking cars can unite people with the power of peace, love and really average pop songs. All right, I’ll say it: The Hoff saved the world! No bullets or Pamela Anderson required. Just a really great leather jacket with flashing lights and the brass balls of a man who dared don Speedos to dash down a beach on television – presumably to show off his brass balls, but we will never begrudge The Hoff that privilege.
Ask any German today and they will tell you that Hasselhoff is largely responsible for making Germany the 21st Century powerhouse that it is. And 25 years later, he’s bringing his power back to do it all over again. In these difficult times the world needs to be reminded that Hoff’s unselfish acts of bravery on that chilly day in ’89 will never be forgotten. Yes, brave: it takes guts to sing songs that include the lyrics ‘Everybody sunshine, everybody fun time’. In fact, Rockefeller Without Borders will go so far as to say this: Hoff more than ever now!
So you see, CNRP Youth Team, there are alternatives to guns. Why not combat violence with something that will show the world Cambodia truly wants peace? Instead of shooting at Isis, fight hard to soften them with colourful Khmer silks! That hostile black jumpsuit thing they always wear could use a bit of flash. One look at the 1989 Hasselhoff jacket on YouTube will convince even the most dark-hearted Isis rebel of that. And besides, all that funky ’89 neon is fashionable again. Colour is in! Isis ideologies might be aeons from the 21st century, but at least their outfits will be reasonably close. All aboard for the Peace Plane to Syria! I’ll have a word with Hoff about singing at our island beach party.