A tourism working-group representative and a government lawmaker recently made statements referencing condoms and Hell as two things that should not be encouraged. The former in regards to an unauthorised safe-sex campaign during Water Festival and the latter in response to his own innocence after being accused of insulting monks and bringing beer to a pagoda. Of course when Hell didn’t immediately pull him down (thus confirming his innocence), his accusers had to eat their slanderous words. This makes complete sense. Hell is reserved for those who really deserve it. Not somebody who (allegedly) likes a cold beer in unique, peaceful surroundings from time to time. And besides, if you walk down a Phnom Penh street holding a cold beer, chances are you will run into a pagoda eventually. You might even cross paths with a monk while holding that beer. Just don’t spill any on him. Not sure if that action is Hell-worthy, but best avoided nonetheless.
Condom distribution will of course only turn Phnom Penh into Bangkok. No one wants sex tourism in Cambodia. Especially prostitutes. As our vigilante co-chair stated: ‘By law there is no sex tourism business… if they distribute condoms it means they are encouraging the sex tourism business.’ Finally someone who is willing to tell it like it is. Let’s not stop there, though. By law there is no corruption, either. If you unlawfully distribute money to, I don’t know, win contracts, clear hurdles, acquire land (purely hypothetical examples to illustrate what could happen), then you encourage corruption. No one wants that. Especially the government.
Rockefeller Without Borders spent a Water Festival afternoon strolling Phnom Penh hoping someone would hand us a cold beer and a condom so that we could properly investigate any inappropriate behaviour. We got neither – which in itself is inappropriate, but whatever. Instead, we had to buy our own beers and condoms, thank you very much (separately, though, and always the condoms before the beer, which is in keeping with our message of sober responsibility). Now before you make baseless accusations that Rockefeller Without Borders is promoting boozing and sex, regrettable words that will surely send you tumbling straight down to that fiery place reserved for those with filthy imaginations, we will have you know that latex condoms make great beer holders; far better than those thick-foam-rubber-branded-with-beer-logo-things that bartenders foolishly – and irresponsibly – refer to as condoms, thereby causing confusion and undoubtedly a few desperate attempts by drunk patrons to use that faux-condom beer holder as an actual condom. How many unwanted children are roaming the streets now because Tony used a foamy, not a johnny? Get your instructions right, all you barkeeps! And while you are at it, beware of tourists who say they don’t want a condom with their beer. The intentions of those undesirables are clear. Accept no tips from them either; instead, you can tip them this Nietzsche gem: “Retention of the sperm is the key to creativity.” Spread philosophical tourism, not sex tourism. We will sell a hell of a lot more beer – and those condoms will finally be used correctly.