Over the last week, everyone here at Rockefeller Without Borders made it a top priority to assemble our “2015 best of and predictions for” list. As we argued well into the night sipping Lekna’s heavy-on-the-rum eggnog, something strange happened: unanimous dislike of the words “best” and “prediction.” Ricardo said that he’d resign his post as Mayor of Pailin (who knew?) if he was forced to be associated with predictions. And our field officer, who shall remain nameless, said making predictions (specially if they came true) might increase her chances of being labeled a sorcerer in Kampong Thom. We certainly don’t want that. With the hours ticking away till deadline, a mystical hallelujah moment appeared on our office whiteboard like some sort of Disney Fantasia apparition: “Visions”. Quickly checking “Sure Signs of Sorcery,” the reference book for all things sorcery suspicious, found nothing on “visions” – only “visionary” (which explains why The Simpsons are banned in Kampong Thom). The path is clear, dear reader, for this is our Rockefeller Without Borders visions for 2015 list.
The year 2015 will be the annum of trendy gauze facemasks. In 2014 there were more people wearing them and more refusing to take them off – and it had nothing to do with Ebola. People just like wearing surgical masks. Our vision is that a giant pharmaceutical company will partner with Dolce & Gabbana to design the world’s chicest gauze facemasks right here in Cambodia. No longer will it be considered impolite to not remove your mask when speaking to someone. In fact, it will be considered terribly un-cool if you do.
Garbage collectors become their own ministry: The Ministry of Stuff that Should be Thrown Away. Residents of Phnom Penh suffered through two garbage strikes in 2014. Piles of refuse stinking up neighbourhoods for days. Those were nervous times. When you toss garbage you want that stuff out of sight, out of mind – and quickly. The garbage collectors know that, and our vision tells us they have a plan: enter politics and tell the populace what they really should throw away. Your secrets are safe with us people. Throw them into the street pile and we’ll collect them at 2am. Finally we will have complete transparency in this country. No more secrets and hidden agendas. All of that will be thrown away thanks to our visionary – oops, sorry – friends at The Ministry of Stuff that Should be Thrown Away. A responsible government ministry to lead us into happier, less complicated times – everything in its rightful thrown-away place.
In 2015 NAM finally becomes an official district. Anyone who gave Google-less directions in 2014 will know how frustratingly tedious it is to say Near Aeon Mall. No more. The vision is officially NAM. We understand how unappreciated the Russian Embassy now feels with this mall in its midst. They used to be the centre of the Sothearos universe: it’s near the Russian Embassy. No more. Not only is there something better in town (bowling!), we also have a great acronym that, thanks to the Rockefeller Without Borders vision, will be easy for anyone to say: NAM. Never attempt near the Russian Embassy as an acronym. Too close to NRA, which will only make people suspicious you are carrying a handgun. NAM vs. NRE. The victor is obvious. The vision gets grander with the March opening of another Japanese-funded project, this one even better than bowling: Cambodia’s first cable-supported suspension bridge over the Mekong into Vietnam. The timing is perfect: NAM will honour ’Nam – and end the embassy marches and flag burnings in 2015.
And finally, anyone who enjoys shopping at the very popular 2500 riel stores – I love the NAM location – should not be surprised when they begin selling advice at that same great everything-for-2500 price. Taking the vision further, we see a partnership with the Ministry of Stuff that Should be Thrown Away; teams to help you toss. Not only will you be able to get great advice, you can also pick up a really cool Dolce & Gabbana facemask, all for just 5,000 riel (or 75 rubles – and rising).
With that, everyone here at Rockefeller Without Borders wishes you happy visions in 2015 – specially if you live in Kampong Thom.