With the refugee deal between Cambodia and Australia now officially complete, a lot of questions surround‘what now’? Rockefeller Without Borders has been following this story closely and would like to assure those critics whom Australian Immigration Minister Scott Morrison labeled the “chardonnay chorus” that everything will be just fine. In fact, if you would prefer to be labeled the ‘Shiraz chorus’ or even something non-alcoholic, he’d be fine with that too. With $35 million on the table to help ensure the smooth delivery of these homeless people to our shores, it doesn’t take a math whiz to figure out that kind of cash can certainly throw a good ‘welcome to the neighbourhood’ party. We might even invite Mr Morrison. Doubtful he could attend, though; he’ll surely be too busy helping the new arrivals pack for their voyage from the Australian-run detention centre on the Pacific island of Nauru (“Five pairs of clean underwear, people, and don’t forget a good hat and some sunscreen.)It is important to remember this is a ‘voluntary resettlement’, so nobody will be forced to go anywhere. Some of the refugees are reportedly excited at the prospects; within minutes of the signing, popular Google searches from Nauru registered things like: ‘Fun stuff to do in Australia when you’re actually going to Cambodia.’
I remember when I moved into an oldflat in unnamed Western country(hint: a place with lots of people called Billor Kathleen), my neighbours – including Bill and Kathleen – all stopped by with baked goods to welcome me. It goes without saying that the same will be done for the first refugee arrivals to Cambodia later this year. It might not be baked goods, though. It could be dried buffalo meat. Remember, these people have survived on little more than Nauru fish for months (which, of course, goes great with chardonnay, so please understand Mr Morrison’s logic); they will appreciate a goody bag loaded with buffalo jerky from Street 19 and a few scones from Java Café – bought after 8pm of course (50% discount, people! We are not going to do anything questionable with this repatriation money; all receipts accounted for).
The great news is none of these Naurunians will arrive on Cambodian soil without first getting a series of lessons froma team of officials sent to the island to teach them aboutCambodia, the culture, the language and the people – and, I assume, the rules against cheating on history and geography tests. As for the numbers of arrivals, Mr Morrison clearly drank too much chardonnay when he said there would be 1,000 who would happily take up the offer. A number that differs rather wildly from the ‘hundred or something’that the Cambodian Interior Ministry has stated.
Anyway, let’s not bicker over numbers and instead start planning that great welcoming party. We have 35 million bucks, baby! Surely when the news gets back to Nauru that we’re planning something special, all those tanning and fishing doubters will book their place on the good ship Resettlement without even giving it a secondthought. Call me selfish, but I just hope they show some gratitude for the welcoming. Yes, gifts of any sort would be nice. I can see the souvenir now: ‘My refugee friend came from Nauru and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.’
Gotta go, trying to write an appropriate welcoming tune for our didn’t-quite-make-it-to-Australia Naurunians; a song to be sung by our fun-loving Australian expat community that will make it feel like they’ve landed in Canberra, not Cambodia. Now I just need a clever word for the chorus that rhymes with‘fair dinkum’.