Here at The Advisor we are, believe it or not, writers. And if there’s one thing writers know about, it’s drinking. Writing too, of course. But mainly drinking. From the beaded can of Angkor and the overpriced bottle of shiraz or rioja to the tequila, fags, vodka shots, hard drugs and frenetic sex with strangers, we know all about it.
But that, dear reader, is another story for another column. For today we wish to speak of drinking. Or more specifically the ramifications of drinking: the hangover. And who better to go to for advice on curing hangovers (For yes! They can be cured!) than that blushing doyenne of the brandy bottle, young Kingsley Amis?
An inveterate pisshead, Amis identified two facets to the hangover: the physical and the metaphysical. The perfect morning-after panacea, if it indeed exists, will attack both angles of your hangover. Ever at your service, we have scoured Phnom Penh to ensure you never again have to endure “that ineffable compound of depression… anxiety, self-hatred, sense of failure and fear of the future”.
Hangover food 1: Marmite
One reason many of us feel so bad the morning after a heavy drinking session is because alcohol depletes your system of essential nutrients, including B vitamins. A lack of B vitamins can cause anxiety and depression, so try munching on Marmite – a rich source of the vitamin B complex – to lift your mood. As an added benefit, Marmite has high sodium content which can help replace the salts lost through drinking alcohol. Try the savoury spread on toast for an added fix of carbs.
Hangover food 2: Watermelon
Not only does alcohol deplete your body of nutrients, it can also lead to low blood sugar levels, which may leave you feeling weak and shaky. To counteract this, try snacking on watermelon which is not just high in fructose but is also water-rich to boost hydration. On top of this, watermelon is high in many essential nutrients, including vitamin C, B-vitamins and magnesium.
Hangover food 3: Ginger
If too much boozing has left you feeling queasy, ginger is the perfect food to help settle your stomach and relieve nausea. While you may not feel much like chewing on the food in its original form, you could try adding some grated ginger to hot water for a ginger tea, blending it into a fresh fruit or vegetable juice, or snacking on ginger biscuits for a tummy soothing treat.
Hangover food 4: Eggs
Scrambled, fried or boiled, eggs are a popular hangover breakfast, and the good news is they are a great choice for beating the nastiest of hangovers. Firstly, eggs are extremely rich in protein, which helps raise mood-boosting serotonin levels, as well as reducing nausea. Furthermore, eggs are rich in an amino acid called cystine, which helps fight the alcohol-induced toxins contributing to your hangover.
Hangover food 5: Bananas
Bananas are packed with potassium and magnesium, two of the minerals often depleted in our bodies when alcohol is consumed. A lack of potassium in the body can lead to nausea, weakness and tiredness, so stocking up on bananas can help reduce these classic hangover symptoms. As an added bonus bananas are natural antacids, so great for reducing stomach acid, and are good for providing a boost of energy if you have a busy day ahead.
Hangover food 6: Coconut juice
That thundering morning-after headache that feels like the publican used your brain as a trampoline is largely the result of dehydration, and few things are better than the juice of a young coconut to quell the thumping. Coconut water contains five electrolytes – three more than Gatorade – and the juice is similar enough to human blood that it can safely be used intravenously as a rehydration fluid. Furthermore, coconut water is low in sugar and calories and high in potassium, vitamin C and anti-oxidants, which boozing causes your body to shed.
What not to have: Hair of the dog
Unless you’re a committed aficionado of benders and blackouts, drinking more alcohol the morning after the night before is unlikely to genuinely improve your condition. Sure, a few pints might make you think you feel better, but only because you’re drunk again. And in such an inebriated state, you’re in no position to diagnose what condition you’re condition is in.
And, finally, any conversation about drinking, hangovers, cures and false remedies would be incomplete without a mention of Mongolia’s ancient hangover secret: pickled sheep eyes in tomato juice.
You definitely don’t want any of that.